And it just so happened that today’s society is practically swimming in a flood of life-shortening stress.
They come in various shapes and sizes:
bills that need to be paid
chronic illnesses lurking in the background
worries about the future
family pressures and expectations
a career that’s going nowhere
a relationship on the rocks
a retirement that’s coming in fast
“Lahat ng tao may problema.”
But have you ever wondered what it would feel like to live an worry-free existence?
Impossible, you say?
Well, monks and meditation gurus are saying, “Challenge accepted!”
Their secret is a particular set of beliefs. And these mindsets shield them from the stresses and anxieties that plague so many.
Let’s look at 5 mindsets here. The hope is that by adopting them, we can minimize the stresses that we experience every day.
Mindset #1 Be Present
Mindfulness, ironically, is a way of getting out of our own heads.
Oftentimes, people have a way of “catastrophizing” things, imagining worst-case scenarios, and stressing themselves about things that have not happened yet nor will ever happen.
Not only is this stress harmful, flooding the body with cortisol, but it also robs us of experiencing the present.
By thinking about the past or worrying about the future, we miss what’s right before us. We zombie through our days and fail to appreciate the fleeting moments.
How do we become mindful when our minds are racing with a thousand thoughts?
First, slow down your breath. Take deeper and fuller breaths. Notice how this slowly melts the tension all over your body—neck, shoulders, arms, and back.
Then begin to engage your senses. Take specific notice of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and texture of the surroundings.
You can engage your senses in everything you do. While eating, for example, do not look down on your phone. Chew consciously, noticing the array of tastes, sounds, and textures unfolding in your mouth.
Be in the moment, instead of worrying about the chores you need to do after eating.
You can be mindful of whatever it is you’re doing. You can be doing photocopies at the office and still be mindful of the sounds, smells, and textures of that simple act.
Mindfulness will lead to you living an enriched experience. Thích Nhất Hạnh, known as “The Father of Mindfulness,” said, “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”
The same fellow also made this solemn promise: “I promise myself that I will enjoy every minute of the day that is given for me to live.”
Mindset #2 Do Not Be Attached To Outcomes
Oftentimes, people want to assert control of things that they don’t really have any meaningful control over. And so when the breaks don’t go their way, they end up getting hurt, frustrated, and bitter.
We crave to micromanage things because we believe that if things do go exactly as expected, it will be the end of the world. Bad things happen.
But if history is any guide, we’ll realize that whatever happens…we’ll be fine. Things are nowhere as bad as the scenarios in our heads.
Say, you’re coveting a long-due promotion. You gave it your all and knew you deserved it most.
But if it doesn’t happen anyway, realize that you’re still fine. It’s not the end of the world. You have a job, which is more than we can say for so many others.
Or, say a contract you’ve been working on for the past six months suddenly fell through. It’s not ideal, but it’s not the end of the world.
An attitude of acceptance and non-attachment might be a healthier approach to navigating life’s ups and downs with grace and equanimity.
As the Dalai Lama once said: Sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.
Mindset #3 Choose Compassion
Noticed that whenever you perform an act of kindness for someone, maybe you allowed an elderly lady to take your seat on the bus or asked a pregnant lady to go ahead of you at the grocery, you felt a rush of happy chemicals in your system. And for the rest of the day, you had a certain spring in your step.
(The opposite happens when we’re negative or rude to someone.)
Ultimately, it’s easier to be kind.
It boosts our mental health too!
Research has shown that engaging in acts of kindness can help alleviate the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Subjects were divided into 3 groups. One group was asked to join a social activity, another went into cognitive behavioral therapy, and the last group was simply asked to perform simple acts of kindness.
Research has found that all three interventions help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. But the biggest improvement came from those who simply did random acts of kindness.
Kindness can lower stress and increase happiness and self-esteem.
Monks believe that we are all interconnected and our thoughts, actions, and emotions ripple to those around us. Ultimately, the kindness that we share return to us in varied and beautiful ways.
The Dalai Lama once said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Mindset #4 Be Simple and Grateful
There’s a Buddhist proverb that says, “Enough is a feast.”
Oftentimes, we are stressed because we simply have too much on our plates.
Whether it’s too much stuff, too many things to do, or too many milestones to hit—in the greater scheme of things, how many of these actually give us genuine happiness?
(That’s an important question because we are stressing ourselves, in effect, trading our health for them.)
Monks display a non-attachment to material possessions, owning only the most basic stuff.
Not that we should follow asceticism to the extreme, but an unloading of “stuff” can also result in a healthy unloading of stress and overwhelm.
Embracing simplicity, and decluttering our lives from the truly unnecessary, can bring calm, clarity, and focus to our days.
We should instead have an attitude of gratitude.
A study conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic discovered that “gratitude-focused writing” decreased stress levels of subjects, and works better than the normal “self-expression” type of journaling.
A sense of gratitude is so potent that it can actually combat the negative effects of stress—bringing health and well-being instead of sickness and disease.
Contentment, simplicity, and a healthy dose of gratitude can be your best bets for a stress-free existence.
Mindset #5 Slow Down
All this doesn’t mean that you become some slacker without a discernible goal and direction in life. It simply means that you give more room and more time for those goals.
Drop by drop is the water pot filled (Buddha).
You don’t need to have everything accomplished yesterday. But you do need to be consistent.
The biggest hindrance to our goals is not the difficulty of the journey. It’s actually burnout.
We start off blazing hot, spending every waking hour working on our dreams, missing family events and quality time. We get stressed beyond measure, and before long, we become frustrated and quit.
In the process of gunning for our goals, we burn ourselves out.
Monks know how to go slow—taking things little by little, being consistent, and continuously improving. They know little is actually a lot when it is as consistent as the morning sun. And then, one day, without even really noticing it, they have become masters of whatever it is they want to achieve.
So before we stand at the end of our lives and ask ourselves, “Where did my life go?”, we better learn to slow down, be in the present, and enjoy trekking up the mountain.
With these 5 mindsets, we can drastically reduce the stress we experience daily, and become more productive and creative at work and play.
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